Celebrity Fan Clubs: Judging from the lack of responses, I take it that no one was ever in an official celebrity or band fan club as a child. Well, today is your lucky day, because I've decided to remedy your obviously pathetically lacking childhoods. For only $37.95, you can get an annual membership to the "Official Eric Ma Kool Kids Fan Club". Your membership will include:
(1) The official "Official Eric Ma Kool Kids Fan Club T-Shirt". I'm working on the design, but rest assured, it will be official.
(2) VIP access to all Kool Kids events, where you can meet other Kool Kids!
(3) VIP preferred seating at my "Learn To Be An Investment Banker" Workshop. "Kool Kids" get to sit in the front row. Because that's where the kool kids sit.
(4) My digits.
Membership is limited, so join today - this is a once in a lifetime opportunity to fill a gaping hole in your youth. Don't let the opportunity pass you by.
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Seems like a lot of people aren't too enamored with fatties. I left out my biggest pet peeve with fat people, which anyone who works in an office building should agree with. Nothing is more irritating when you're in the office than the one-floor elevator move. If you're on the 24th floor and not carrying a large box or wearing heels, getting on the elevator at 24, and getting off at 23 is just plain ridiculous. It's especially absurd for fatties. In my perfect world, fatties wouldn't be allowed to take the elevator. Win-win.Sara also mentioned to me that she went to the DMV, and the place was filled to the brim with fatties. Even though this was northern California, I've had the same experience every time I've been to the DMV in San Pedro, California. I tried thinking of explanations, and came up with the following:
(1) This is just a coincidence
(2) Sara and I both hang out at "thin people" places, but since everyone drives, you can't avoid fatties at the DMV
(3) Fat people register more cars
(4) Fatties are worse drivers, and have more things to handle at the DMV, such as repeated driving exams
(5) There are a lot of thin people at the DMV, but fat people just obstruct them from view
I'm not entirely satisfied with any of these explanations. It may of course be some combination of all of them, or I might be missing something entirely. I am convinced, however, that it's not just a coincidence, it happens to me every single time.
13 comments:
i'm not sure how i got on the list, but one time i got a letter to join the penny hardaway fan club. i really wanted to join(we've already discussed my love of lil penny and consequently my adoration of penny himself), but i was too cheap (read: asian) to pay the money. it said i would get an autographed picture, but my mom quickly explained that it was "probably just one of those copied signatures." i didn't want to believe her, but moms are always right at that age.
also, i agree 100% with the "obese people must buy two seats on an airplane" idea. one time i sat next to a woman who required a seatbelt extender... i think i've told you this, but for others who read comments on your blog.... yes, a seatbelt extender. also, since we were sitting in the first row of economy, there were no seatbacks in front of us for tray tables, so they were stowed in the armrests... clearly, this would not work for aforementioned fattie, so when the food came, she simply stuck her leg straight out, put her foot up against the divider between economy and first class, and used her thigh as at table... i could not not make this up if i tried.
I was asked by a flight attendant once if I would move so an obese gentleman could have two seats. Since my other alternative was actually sitting next to him while he tried to squeeze into one seat next to me, I quickly complied, though I ended up losing some leg room. Then the flight attendant gave me some voucher that was supposed to be good for airline miles, but I never got any. I just remembered this story, but it is probably too late to go get the miles now.
Now that I have typed in this entire comment, I realize is is actually a boring story. I'm not indignant enough about a fattie making me move, I think...
Do I make the check out to you or the club?
No need to pay me directly, Ali. Just click on the ad on the right side of the blog one time from 100,000 different computers, and we'll be all good.
Penny Hardaway was the greatest. I'm going to post some old clips of him soon.
i do a lot of graphic design these days, i could design your fan club shirt!
also, what is with that banner on the side of your page?
Okay, the fan club has a shirt designer! Nice - It's Vish, so I'm sure the the shirt will be suitably humiliating (for me)
The banner is just whatever random ad Google AdSense puts there. So far I have earned $0.00.
I noticed that right now, the ad is for Baltimore Ravens preseason football games, which, of course, have all already happened.
I may not be earning too much money from that ad. Might be stuck at $0.00 a little longer.
My click led me to a survey "Are you a slacker mom?"
Why in the world would anyone take that survey?
You are now 0.01 cents richer
ok, the fan club will have a shirt design within the week!
can i post pictures in comments? your fan club shirt designs are done!
Haha Vish, send it to me by email and I'll post it
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