Recently, I was alerted to something called "The Way To Happiness". Some foundation in charge of "The Way To Happiness" has been producing and airing a bunch of commercials with curiously bland messages, like "Be Competent" and "Fulfill Your Obligations" and my personal favorite inspiring PSA, "Support a Government Designed and Run for All the People". Really.
I learned that "The Way to Happiness" is a 21-precept moral code. Here are all 21 principles: (1) Take care of yourself (2) Be temperate (3) Don't be promiscuous (4) Love and help children (5) Honor and help your parents (6) Set a good example (7) Seek to live with the truth (8) Do not murder (9) Don't do anything illegal (10) Support the government designed and run for all the people (11) Do not harm a person of good will (12) Safeguard and improve your environment (13) Do not steal (14) Be worthy of trust (15) Fulfill your obligations (16) Be industrious (17) Be competent (18) Respect the religious beliefs of others (19) Try not to do things to others that you would not want them to do to you (20) Try to treat others as you would want to be treated (21) Flourish and prosper.
Did you get all that? If I were to write up a list for what it would take to be a "good Asian kid", this is almost exactly the list. I was so freaked out while reading through the 21 points I assumed this must have been written by the Chinese newspaper or something. It's literally only missing Precept #22 - Be a doctor.
So naturally I checked to see who wrote it, and to my surprise, this was not written by my mom. Turns out this is a pamphlet written in 1981 by L. Ron Hubbard, and is very widely distributed by none other than the societally-maligned Scientologists. According to Wikipedia, "The Way to Happiness" is meant to be a bridge between broad society and the Church of Scientology.
So in conclusion, what I learned today was that when Scientologists intersect with mainstream society, the results are Asian parents. Fascinating. I leave you with an inspiring PSA from The Way to Happiness Foundation. Fulfill your obligations!
4 comments:
one starving musician waited in line to say: Wow, that was just like my day. How creepy.
j.e.
These rules are frustratingly confusing to me because many of the things they tell me NOT to do are the same things that lead me to happiness. BE TEMPERATE! ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! Alcohol is the only thing that brings me joy anymore and also makes me charismatic ("hey baby, you like to party?"). I also enjoy persecuting people based on their religion and making jokes based on stereotypes. These rules would only lead me to being unfunny and not able to talk to girls and that is DEFINITELY not going to make me happy. Oh L Ron Hubbard once again you prove you are a total fuck up who is completely out of touch with reality.
PS if any scientologists read this blog and are insulted by my comments read the post again! I will persecute you and then laugh my ass off because Xenu will not help you.
PPS And dont even get me started on "Do Not Murder." My bloodlust grows by the minute.
Man, why does the guy's name have to be Dave?
Because people named Dave don't fulfill their obligations
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