My dad gets extremely frustrated with the kinds of movies Hollywood produces. He watches a ton of movies, but is only rarely satisfied with the experience. I suppose he gets frustrated with the similarity of movies he watches. One of his favorite things to say (about movies, not in general) is that Hollywood only produces five types of movies. First you have your special-effects driven action movie, then you have time-tunnel movies, then there's "falling in love" movies, and then he doesn't know what the other two categories are supposed to be - he just knows for some reason that there are five. It's good to have conviction, I think.Anyways, he always has these horrendous ideas of movies he would make if only he were in control of such things, but today he delivered one of the greatest whoppers of all. We were discussing "The Silence of the Lambs", and my dad was all, "I don't understand what's supposed to be so great about that movie. So he eats a lot of people, so what?" Somehow that prompted the following movie premise, which I will attempt to transcribe as faithfully as I possibly can.
"You know what kind of movie I would make? I would make some movie about eating dogs."
"How is that going to be a movie?"
"Okay, you're right, it needs to be more exciting than that. Let's say there will be some kind of underground organization that kidnaps rare but delicious dogs and delivers them for high prices to wealthy Asian businessmen. And so they go about their business, kidnapping people's pets, only they don't kill them immediately, they keep them alive at the time of delivery. Only one day they kidnap the dog of the underground mafia, which is very upsetting to the mafia because they really love the dog a lot. Now they have heard that there is an organization that is running around kidnapping dogs and reselling them, ultimately to be eaten. They already don't like these people because they refused to may the mafia protection fee. Now they deduce that they probably are responsible for taking the dog, because there aren't many people doing this kind of thing. And they know the dog is probably still alive, so they decide to go on the attack. There is a ransom note for a lot of money, but the mafia doesn't operate that way - they don't negotiate with terrorists.
So they just start killing members of the dog-kidnapping organization one by one, hoping to enact revenge and perhaps get their dog back. They are successful, and every member of the dog group is eliminated except for one guy who is also DENZEL WASHINGTON. So then at this point Denzel Washington figures that there is nothing to lose so he too goes on the offensive, and starts killing all the mafia people, until he is the only one left standing. Of course there will need to be some women and some sex and some kind of very intricate and complicated plot.""Wait, so this different because of the dog kidnapping thing?"
"Right."
"Okay."
I'm down to see this movie - you?
6 comments:
won't that sorta be like man on fire, with dakota fanning as a dog?
I don't think my dad saw that movie. But his point is that it's different because of the dog, so regardless of the similarities to Man on Fire, I think he will think it is a new and unique film.
If the dogs could talk that would be cool.
The best thing about this movie idea is the Denzel Washington part. Because if he actually signed on for a movie like this, it would gain instant credibility. Suddenly, it wouldn't be the crazy dog eating movie anymore, it would be the crazy dog eating movie directed by Bryan Singer and starring Bruce Willis and Denzel Washington, opening on 2200 screens nationwide. And all the critics would have to watch the movie and attempt to evaluate it on its merits (or lack thereof). And maybe your dad would be rich :)
My dad does not pursue these ideas for money - he does it for the artistic value
This was probably 10 times more hilarious because I can hear your dad's voice talking about it.
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