Pretend Yao Ming isn't married. Who does better with the ladies - Yao Ming or Yi Jianlian?Steve: Yao Ming. To get laid just for being a celebrity, you have to be a celebrity. Who's Yi Jianlian? Someone who isn't going to get ass because girls suddenly started digging 7 foot asian guys they've never heard of.
Brian: Jeez they're both ugly motherfuckers. I guess I'll go with Yao because he has been in this country longer and therefore probably knows how to interact better with American ladies. But like I said those two are some ugly motherfuckers.
Ali: I am going to go with Yi. First and foremost he is more hood. I remember when the scouts were talking about him and how easy a transition he would have to American lifestyle. What is the first thing they reported about him? He listens to hip-hop. See, he speaks the language of the gold digger that is waiting outside the locker room, real talk. Next, let's look at the competition he is facing on his team. He has to compete with Charlie Villanueva (he has no eyebrows), Andrew Bogut (goofy down under bastard), and Dan Gadzuric for ladies...in Milwaukee! He's probably killing them over there.
Yao on the other hand is more or less screwed. He has to compete with T-Mac (baller on and off the court, albeit rather tired looking), Rafer Alston (who is still pulling ladies from his "Skip to my Lou" days) and Dikembe Mutombo ('nuf said).Vish: At first glance this question is an easy answer for Yi. Yaoza is not a good looking man. but he is an all-star, and that's got to help. I'm gonna say Yao right now purely based on skill, but in 2 years, if Yi isn't the NBA's Ryan Leaf, then Yi in a landslide.
Leo: Not overthinking it, its pretty intuitive that Yi is the younger, more athletic, more handsome, better built, edgier, less Chinese-Frankenstein-ish, easier to understand of the two. Moreover, Yao really only has 1. height and 2. better basketball skills going for him. So I don't think this is a very close call. Even if we biased our lady sample and chose players on the Chinese National Women's basketball team as the prospects, I still think Yi sleeps with more women. In fact, I don't think you start to see a Yao majority until you define your population as "Chinese National Women's basketball team players who seek men that kind of remind them of their stiff
father they kind of got to know and appreciate before they were plucked away by their government."Justin: Yi. Even though Yao is more famous in the US, Yi has that goofy grin going. Yi is tall enough so that he can convince the ladies that he is, in fact, an NBA player, and he just seems to exude that "I'm a good guy, don't be scared of me" attitude. I bet he has a good sense of humor too. (The other possibility is that he's actually an imbecile.) Yao looks like a caveman, and women don't pick men based on fadeaway jumpers.
If I told you that last week, a current professional athlete killed someone, who is your first guess as to who it is?
Vish: NBA: Kobe Bryant. He's already a rapist [ed. note: no], I dont see being a murderer as that far of a stretch. NFL: Obviously, Adam ["Pacman"] Jones. MLB: Jeff Kent. Would you welcome him, and his porn stache, into your home? I think not. NHL: Dominik Hasek. With 100% certainty, that man is part of the mafia.Ali: Ask me two years ago I would go with either Mike Tyson or Ray Lewis. Now I think Roger Federer. Either he's going to snap because no one outside of Bud Collins and four Swiss people know who the hell is or he does it just to see if he can get away with it because he is that damn methodical. You know, this may have already happened.
Justin: This is a 5-way tie between Steven Jackson, Albert Haynesworth, Ron Artest, Milton Bradley, and Latrell Sprewell. There are probably some hockey players that I'm leaving out here, but I don't know any hockey players and hockey isn't a real sport. I'd also believe Pedro Martinez just because he's so mean. If I heard that the athlete was found happily eating cake over a dead body, then I am changing my answer to Kwame Brown.
I never really understood why people thought Zach Randolph is crazy. The quotes from his high school coach (about being happy every day he wakes up and Zach is not in jail) are interesting, but he's never really had any incidents that I know of. [ed. note: Randolph punched teammate
Ruben Patterson in the face in 2003, was cited for underage drinking his rookie season, battled a sexual assault complaint from a stripper in 2006 (it was dismissed due to lack of evidence) and was pulled over for racing cars in a 20 mph zone. Petty stuff for the NBA, but FYI.]By the way, the least-likely player to do this is Yi. Please scroll up and look at the picture of his goofy grin.
Brian: It has to be Ray Lewis. Come on, I mean hes already murdered two people and gotten away with it. It's only a matter of time before that beast strikes again.
Leo: This is a fantastic question. Stephen Jackson jumped so quickly to my head I'm not sure I want to even think this one through. Well on second thought, it would probably be either an NFL lineman, or an NHL player.
You're starting an expansion baseball team. Your payroll is uncapped. Would you sign A-Rod? What if your payroll is only $100 million?
Justin: If my payroll is uncapped - absolutely. Best player in the game. If my payroll is $100M - probably not. I try to get Miggy [Miguel Cabrera], then put him on a strict no-burritos diet. I then pay someone to spread vicious rumors about A-Rod so that he cries himself to sleep every night and chokes in the playoffs.
Steve: Hell yes, and probably yes. If you didn't sign him for 30 mil a year, what could you get instead? Would two 15 million dollar players help you win more than him? Or three 10 million dollar players? I'm sure there are enough good-enough low-price players like Kenny Lofton and Reggie Sanders to fill the gaps.
Leo: 1. Is A-Rod hands down the best baseball player in the league? Yes.
2. Do I believe that A-Rod will continue to be the best or one of the very best players of the league during the bulk of the contract he will he potentially sign with me? Yes.
3. Will I benefit financially if A-Rod breaks Bonds' record while he is on my team? Probably.
4. Is a A-Rod a bitch. Yes.
S
o in conclusion, if my payroll is unlimited, sure why not. Part of what makes baseball baseball and not a second tier sport made up of third tier athletes is its history and having A-Rod means buying a significant piece of that history. If my payroll is 100 mil, well obviously having A-Rod will neither ensure my team is a World Series Champion nor that my team will ever make the playoffs, so, in that case, probably not.
Justin: If my payroll is uncapped - absolutely. Best player in the game. If my payroll is $100M - probably not. I try to get Miggy [Miguel Cabrera], then put him on a strict no-burritos diet. I then pay someone to spread vicious rumors about A-Rod so that he cries himself to sleep every night and chokes in the playoffs.
Steve: Hell yes, and probably yes. If you didn't sign him for 30 mil a year, what could you get instead? Would two 15 million dollar players help you win more than him? Or three 10 million dollar players? I'm sure there are enough good-enough low-price players like Kenny Lofton and Reggie Sanders to fill the gaps.
Leo: 1. Is A-Rod hands down the best baseball player in the league? Yes.
2. Do I believe that A-Rod will continue to be the best or one of the very best players of the league during the bulk of the contract he will he potentially sign with me? Yes.
3. Will I benefit financially if A-Rod breaks Bonds' record while he is on my team? Probably.
4. Is a A-Rod a bitch. Yes.
S
o in conclusion, if my payroll is unlimited, sure why not. Part of what makes baseball baseball and not a second tier sport made up of third tier athletes is its history and having A-Rod means buying a significant piece of that history. If my payroll is 100 mil, well obviously having A-Rod will neither ensure my team is a World Series Champion nor that my team will ever make the playoffs, so, in that case, probably not.Ali: The answer is no to both. That tool doesn't deserve the money he makes. For starters I think athletes are grossly over paid, but that I guess can be saved for another panel. In the meantime the only way I see spending that much on any one person in sports is if you are guaranteed to play in a title game that year (Jordan in the 90's) or you are going to at least be competitive every year (Peyton or Brady fill that role). A-Rod hasn't won dick in the playoffs and most likely never will because his personality is ass and he knows nothing about team chemistry.
Vish: No. With a high priced player like Rodriguez, in order to field a winner, you'd need players in situations like Jake Peavy of the Padres. Good, young, signed to a long term deal, so he's relatively underpaid. With players like him you can field a very good team and not pay that much. But as an expansion team, you won't have those players who were signed really young. The only players you'll get from the expansion draft are players that are old with big contracts or prospects that aren't expected to be big time players. So you'll pretty much have to create a starting lineup through free agency. This year's class is pretty weak, but even with that, in order to create a starting lineup from that group, you'll have to move some players to new positions and you'll likely spend a good 150M just on those players. No way that team could make a profit, because the payroll would just be too high, especially since a new expansion team won't have their own network and the revenue that comes from that. Selling out would help, but it won't be enough. The only way I would consider signing Alex Rodriguez is to pay him his $30 million, but only pay the rest of the team like $10 million combined. With a small payroll like that, the prospects of a new team with a marquee player MIGHT be enough to get attendance up high enough to cover what you're spending.
Vish: No. With a high priced player like Rodriguez, in order to field a winner, you'd need players in situations like Jake Peavy of the Padres. Good, young, signed to a long term deal, so he's relatively underpaid. With players like him you can field a very good team and not pay that much. But as an expansion team, you won't have those players who were signed really young. The only players you'll get from the expansion draft are players that are old with big contracts or prospects that aren't expected to be big time players. So you'll pretty much have to create a starting lineup through free agency. This year's class is pretty weak, but even with that, in order to create a starting lineup from that group, you'll have to move some players to new positions and you'll likely spend a good 150M just on those players. No way that team could make a profit, because the payroll would just be too high, especially since a new expansion team won't have their own network and the revenue that comes from that. Selling out would help, but it won't be enough. The only way I would consider signing Alex Rodriguez is to pay him his $30 million, but only pay the rest of the team like $10 million combined. With a small payroll like that, the prospects of a new team with a marquee player MIGHT be enough to get attendance up high enough to cover what you're spending.
Still reading? Stay tuned for part two!
2 comments:
im not a fan of the editors notes.
regarding the first topic, yao trumps yi in all cases. why? because every girl that posts him up thinks she's actually scoring with tom brady.
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