With Thanksgiving coming right around the corner, I thought I'd offer some quick thoughts on reorganizing the holiday calendar. In 4 years, when I control the universe, I will make the Wednesday before Thanksgiving a holiday. I'm willing to move either Columbus Day (which is really a nonsense holiday), Martin Luther King Day (a holiday I inexplicably have not had in 7 years) or Presidents' Day to make this happen.
For people who have to travel, Thanksgiving weekend is one of the most stressful times of the year. That's not what holidays should be about - they should be about food. If you don't travel, maybe having that day off from work or school will inspire you to go somewhere exciting. If you don't have a job and aren't in school, maybe you should consider not being a leech sucking the lifeblood of society.
The ideal day to move would be Columbus Day, assuming you get Columbus Day as a holiday. Columbus Day is ridiculous, why do we have a special day to honor this guy? Some dude convinced people to give him a bunch of boats, other people did all the work on the boat, a ton of people died, he had no idea where he was going, and then accidentally ran into some land that is not presently nor ever was part of the United States. He's falsely credited with "discovering" that the Earth was round - most educated people already knew that, and weren't scared you might "fall off the edge of the map." And then all the people Columbus found, he made into slaves. 500 years later, we have a parade for this guy? If Columbus gets a parade, then I get a parade. I'm going to start thinking of what the Eric Day Parade will involve. I can tell you right now that it will involve tigers. Tigers are badass, son.
The reason I'd want to move Martin Luther King Day (assuming everyone stayed impossibly devoted to this Columbus idiot) is not to be disrespectful. It's only because there really shouldn't be a January holiday, we're pretty well rested after December. In fact, I think moving MLK day to a different time of year would cause more employers to honor it. Everyone wins.
The same logic applies to Presidents' Day. I don't even know when Presidents' Day is, and I'd be willing to bet that more than half of America wouldn't know without consulting a calendar. I'm not as averse to honoring Washington or Lincoln - at least they were presidents of this country, not 500-year old Italians. If anything, I'd really want to move this day to March, when I'm more in need of a break.
You might be wondering why I'm limiting myself to these options - after all, if I run the universe, can't I just add a holiday? Why not push the envelope? I'll let Jack Donaghy (Alec Baldwin in 30 Rock) explain:
For people who have to travel, Thanksgiving weekend is one of the most stressful times of the year. That's not what holidays should be about - they should be about food. If you don't travel, maybe having that day off from work or school will inspire you to go somewhere exciting. If you don't have a job and aren't in school, maybe you should consider not being a leech sucking the lifeblood of society.
The ideal day to move would be Columbus Day, assuming you get Columbus Day as a holiday. Columbus Day is ridiculous, why do we have a special day to honor this guy? Some dude convinced people to give him a bunch of boats, other people did all the work on the boat, a ton of people died, he had no idea where he was going, and then accidentally ran into some land that is not presently nor ever was part of the United States. He's falsely credited with "discovering" that the Earth was round - most educated people already knew that, and weren't scared you might "fall off the edge of the map." And then all the people Columbus found, he made into slaves. 500 years later, we have a parade for this guy? If Columbus gets a parade, then I get a parade. I'm going to start thinking of what the Eric Day Parade will involve. I can tell you right now that it will involve tigers. Tigers are badass, son.The reason I'd want to move Martin Luther King Day (assuming everyone stayed impossibly devoted to this Columbus idiot) is not to be disrespectful. It's only because there really shouldn't be a January holiday, we're pretty well rested after December. In fact, I think moving MLK day to a different time of year would cause more employers to honor it. Everyone wins.
The same logic applies to Presidents' Day. I don't even know when Presidents' Day is, and I'd be willing to bet that more than half of America wouldn't know without consulting a calendar. I'm not as averse to honoring Washington or Lincoln - at least they were presidents of this country, not 500-year old Italians. If anything, I'd really want to move this day to March, when I'm more in need of a break.You might be wondering why I'm limiting myself to these options - after all, if I run the universe, can't I just add a holiday? Why not push the envelope? I'll let Jack Donaghy (Alec Baldwin in 30 Rock) explain:
"Oh, God, 'push the envelope.' You know who uses that phrase? People who don't have the guts or brains to work inside the system -- letter-writers, radicals, Howard Dean."
When I was a little kid there was this episode of Garfield where Garfield becomes president and creates "Funday", a day between Tuesday and Wednesday solely devoted to having fun. You would eat out, ride rollercoasters, watch television and eat lasagna. Even as a young child, I saw the flaw in Garfield's plan. In order to go to the amusement park, people must actually be working at the amusement park, and therefore, not have fun on Funday. Garfield is so dumb.
When I was a little kid there was this episode of Garfield where Garfield becomes president and creates "Funday", a day between Tuesday and Wednesday solely devoted to having fun. You would eat out, ride rollercoasters, watch television and eat lasagna. Even as a young child, I saw the flaw in Garfield's plan. In order to go to the amusement park, people must actually be working at the amusement park, and therefore, not have fun on Funday. Garfield is so dumb.
10 comments:
Dear Hilary - please add these ideas to your campaign platform, signed Steve
In calling Garfield dumb, you've really crossed the line, Eric Ma.
Well, maybe he isn't dumb, but he's an elitist. Funday wouldn't be a day for fun for poor people. It would probably be a really busy day at work.
if you become a political advisor for hilary clinton, im dropping you as a friend.
awesome analysis of columbus.
Erica's sister worked for Hilary Clinton.
I will not, but thanks for the warning Vish
Funday works with robots.
i feel like my last comment might have been a little mean. haha
Haha, don't think I forgot what the comment was Vish.
True, Funday does work in an entirely robot-operated world.
thats ok. the rest of the world doesnt need the constant reminder of what you already know. haha
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