Lance Gets Action

Remember this commercial? I remember thinking when it first came out what a great commercial it was. I also remember thinking that it was a complete crock of shit.

My opinion that "everyone" is on steroids is well-documented, and even at the time, I felt Lance Armstrong had to be on steroids. Now, I'm 100% sure. Every single competitor Armstrong ever had has tested positive for steroid use, including his old teammates. If you believe that a guy who isn't on steroids could thoroughly dominate the world's most elite competitors who are themselves all on steroids, I don't know what to tell you. Marion Jones' case reminds us that it's much more plausible to think someone is on steroids than to assume someone is the greatest physical entity to ever grace Earth.

I think everyone cuts this guy a lot of slack because (well other than the entire sport being on steroids) he is perceived to be this "good guy". A family guy, who beat cancer, and has these cool yellow wristbands and yay for America. While I know he must have used steroids, I too cut him some slack, reasoning that if he was inspiring cancer patients, well, maybe we should just all join the charade.

On the plus side, Lance continues to inspire cancer patients everywhere. Recently, he's been showing them that even cancer patients can have Ashley Olsen sit on their laps and make out with them! It's like Lance himself always says (at his $50,000 speaking engagements): "If I can come back from the brink of death to make out with Michelle Tanner from Full House - just think of what you could do!"

It's one thing for Lance Armstrong to leave his wife for Sheryl Crow, but Ashley Olsen? Sara echoed my thoughts, saying, "that doesn't even feel legal to me". I don't think people who became famous as adults should hook up with people who because famous as little kids. Celebrity "statutory" relationships are probably too much for the general public to handle.