Hey, Jamaica! Watch out for Number Twelve turn. Scary, jaah?

'Nuff people say, you know they can't be-lieve, Ja-mai-ca, we have a bob-sled team.

Last night, I finished watching the Nuggets-Mavs game, and was tidying up around the apartment, getting ready to sleep. It was 1:45 am, going to bed was the obvious move. But of nowhere, TBS throws a wrench in my plans - they're airing "Cool Runnings", the 1993 classic "retelling" of the 1988 Jamaican bobsled team.

"Cool Runnings" has "D2" status for me - if it's on, it's virtually impossible not to watch. The movie went until 3:30 am last night, but somehow I mustered up the inner strength to turn off the TV after the Jamaicans made it into the Olympics with their qualifying run of 59.46 seconds. Even then, it was nearly 3 am, and I am completely spent today. No regrets whatsoever.

Hey, Jamaica! Watch out for Number Twelve turn. Scary, jaah???

I visited Jamaica in 2005, and you can only imagine my extreme disappointment in learning no one cared at all about "Cool Runnings" or the bobsled team. I always figured the movie took a ton of artistic license, but I assumed that the country would whore out and sell bobsled-related memorabilia to dumb tourists like myself. I searched the whole time for a miniature bobsled, to no avail. I only really found Bob Marley t-shirts and large bags of weed.

As an aside, I'm pretty sure Jamaicans play up Bob Marley for tourists. A guy drove us in a van to the waterfalls, and played Bob Marley music the whole way there. I was the last one out of the van, and noticed he was getting ready to switch to a Jagged Edge CD. Upon returning to the van, he quickly fumbled to stop his Babyface CD, and we listened to Bob Marley the whole way back to the resort. I'm telling you, this whole Bob Marley thing is a conspiracy to dupe white college kids.

Come on Jamaica...say something!

A few other things to note:

1) Leon, the actor who plays bobsled driver Derice Bannock, is the lead or co-lead actor to three of the 15 most rewatchable cable movies. He plays the school security guard in the preposterous Tupac Shakur basketball movie "Above The Rim", he plays Derice, AND he plays the legendary David Ruffin in "The Temptations" ("y'all ain't NUTHIN without David Ruffin!!" I could honestly probably write a 10,000 words entry about the Temptations miniseries, but since no one wants to read that, I'll probably just directly e-mail that to Sara.) If you enjoy, either intentionally or unintentionally, any of these three movies, it is a safe assumption that we can be friends.

You see Junior? Well, let me tell you what I see. I see pride! I see power! I see a bad-ass mother who don't take no crap off of nobody!

2) The scene where Yul Brenner learns that he can't live in Buckingham Palace because the Queen lives there, but is inspired by the kind words of Junior, who then uncrumples the picture of Buckingham Palace and places it back on the nightstand, should have brought Oscar nominations (at the very least) to both Malik Yoba and Rawle D. Lewis. There is no justice in this world.

3) Doug E. Doug should have had a better career. Among people with the same first name as last name, he has to rank #1, right? I don't know anyone who didn't enjoy his comedic relief turn as Sanka, the greatest pushcart driver in all of Jamaica. Now he does one-episode guest roles on Law & Order: SVU. Again, no justice.

Feel the rhythm! Feel the rhyme! Get on up, its bobsled time! COOL RUNNINGS!!