'Roid Calm

"I don't go to a baseball game to see sacrifice bunts and 13-pitch walks. I go to see guys jack the ball 550 feet out of the park." - paraphrased from Brian Park.

The time has come (actually, it came a long, long time ago) to end our charade against steroids. For all the railing against steroids, gambling, cocaine use, gun possession and illegitimate fatherhood, an athlete can really only commit one sin: losing.

These are ugly words to type, but the truth is inescapable. Steroids make my experience as a sports fan better. I can't say it any simpler than that. My heart goes out to the families who have seen their children load up on steroids to achieve their impossible athletic dreams, only to suffer the negative physical and psychological consequences. But sympathy, however heartfelt, cannot change reality.

Why do we watch sports? One might paraphrase the late director Robert Altman and say, "to see something I've never seen before." Sports always offers that magical possibility - and steroids turn that into a more probable reality. As fans, we want records to fall. We want new levels of greatness to be attained. We want to see people run faster, lift more, jump higher, hit harder. As Brian says, we want to see someone hit a baseball 550 feet, back acne be damned.

Of course, it's still easy to enjoy sports without world records falling. Sports are still plenty of fun when your team wins. And make no mistake about it - we expect the guys on our team to do everything humanly and inhumanly possible to win. They must play with broken ribs, sprained ankles, concussions, and joints that have been dislocated so badly they would keep us out of our jobs for weeks. And if they don't, we call them soft. Bitch about all the money they make. How they don't love the game the way we would if only we had the chance. And did I mention he's soft. Hey maybe he's gay, that would explain why he's so damn pathetic. It's more than a tacit acceptance of steroids in sports - we pretty much demand that athletes inject themselves however often they need to in order to be ready to play come gametime.

I'm not crazy. I don't explicitly WANT steroids in sports. But I want to see athletic greatness - when the Olympics are on, I want records to fall. I want to see star NFL players compete every week, I don't want to see third-string backups. I want harder hitting on faster surfaces, not tamer games less likely to cause harm.

I'm really not crazy. Like you, I was raised to believe steroid use in sports was wrong. It was dangerous, it was unfair, and it was just wrong. For most of my generation, the seminal moment occurred during the 1988 Summer Olympics. Those games brought the much anticipated 100 meter dash showdown between American Carl Lewis and Canadian Ben Johnson. Americans always won the 100 meters, it was like part of the core of our national athletic being. And here comes this brash Canadian, who whipped the field with a 9.83 time in the 1987 Worlds. Afterwards, Lewis alleged Johnson was taking steroids. Then in the Olympics, Johnson runs a 9.79, and blows away the field, including Lewis. 9.79! He must be cheating. How could he run like that? There must be steroids. Please let him have cheated.

And what do you know? He was using steroids. It was as if some kind of fucking national victory had occurred. The big, bad steroid man was taken down. Gold medal for the USA. Steroids bad, USA good. Don't do drugs. Just say no. Americans have honor. All was right with the world.
I wasn't even 5 years old at the time. It would take me another decade-and-a-half to understand that the excitement had little to do with a cheater being caught and had everything to do with an American winning. Us winning.

Everything is about winning. Lance Armstrong is a winner, so we dismiss all claims he could be using steroids as jealousy from those loser European nations. We don’t even really bother to read the details of the allegations. We are, as a nation, 100% behind a guy literally everyone in the cycling world is convinced uses steroids. In San Francisco, they still root for Barry Bonds, even though he 1) obviously uses steroids and 2) already admitted to having used steroids. Hey, the guy can still get on-base. And the fans loved Sammy Sosa until he couldn't hit anymore. And we loved Mark McGwire until he retired and wasn't awing us with those jaw-dropping moonshots.

Then we come to the curious case of Shawne Merriman, who already tested positive for steroids, did not appeal the decision, yet was still named to the Pro Bowl and the All-Pro team. If he had murdered his girlfriend with 4 games to go, you can bet your ass he wouldn't be on the All-Pro team. Yet, at least as far as football is concerned, didn't Merriman do something worse? Didn't he cheat? It doesn't matter how many sacks he has - wouldn't he in theory have less sacks if he didn't cheat - he cheated, right? Evidently not. Either the assumption is that everyone is on steroids, so it's not cheating, or only some guys are on steroids, but it's still not cheating.

I can pinpoint the moment I decided I would never again listen to any of the sanctimonious bullshit about values in sports. It actually didn't have a thing to do with steroids. In the 2001 NBA playoffs, Vince Carter's Toronto Raptors were set to play Philadelphia in Game 7 of the Eastern Conference Semifinals. The game would occur that afternoon - Carter intended to attend his college graduation from the University of North Carolina with buddy Brendan Haywood. He would be there for about an hour, wouldn't change time zones, and would be back hours before the game. I figured he would be celebrated - a young black man who left school early and had all the money in the world but clearly still valued his education, studying in his spare time to obtain a degree and graduate. Showing kids everywhere on a national stage that even though he had NBA riches, going to school mattered. What a role model. But when Carter's plan was leaked, the man was roasted in the press. Every now and then someone brings it up again, and roasts him again. How dare he compromise his team's chances. He'll be tired when he gets back. Does he even care about winning? He's so soft. (Carter isn't a shining example, exactly - later events would indicate that he probably does lack the requisite competitive fire, but it was still ridiculous of people to call him out on this one.) After that, I didn't want to hear it anymore. Don't bother me with student-athletes, or graduation rates, or athletes frequenting strip clubs, or having 11 kids out of wedlock, or steroids, or tattoos, or gambling. Only one thing matters: winning.

Reality is unfortunate, but that doesn't make it less of a reality. Kids are sure to get hurt from steroids, but there's not a lot we can do unless we change our fundamental sports culture, and I don't see that one happening anytime soon. At least if we accept it, we can end the parade of hypocrisy that decries the very notion that Mark McGwire should be in the Hall of Fame, but openly celebrates and rewards the accomplishments of Shawne Merriman.

So you know what? I'm okay with steroids. I'm done thinking about it. Things are simpler this way - I don't need to reflect sports through some societal prism all the time and rise on my high horse or sink down in dismay. So put Mark McGwire in the Hall of Fame, go ahead and make Shawne Merriman an All-Pro. Call off the Congressional investigation, stop raiding BALCO. No more tell-all books, no more grand juries. I can just follow the games, root for my teams to win, and hope for the spectacular to happen.

And if that means steroids, so be it.