Destiny Fulfilled

Evidently, the Seattle Seahawks were not, in fact, a "team of destiny", as claimed by Mack Strong before their playoff loss to the Chicago Bears. Unless, of course, their destiny was to be an underachieving team that barely won a wild-card game in an appallingly bad conference. In that case, Mack Strong, consider your destiny fulfilled.

No cliche in sports bothers me nearly as much as "team of destiny". There is no such thing - I repeat, there is NO SUCH THING, as a team of destiny. I'll refrain from the theological ramifications here, but suffice it to say, if you are in fact a team of destiny, and you can TELL if you're a team of destiny, then there is no reason for sports to exist. The outcome is never in doubt - sports would merely be a physical illustration of what is already fact.

Let's consider how one becomes a team of destiny. First, and foremost, you have to be mediocre. If you've already proven yourself to be good (by winning convincingly), then, clearly, destiny is not involved. Talent sure, destiny no. Could it be your destiny to assemble a talented team that wins easily? No, destiny doesn't work that way. Come on people, let's not be stupid here.

After being mediocre, you need to catch a few lucky breaks. Random chance, surprisingly, does not exist in this world and is not the explanation for anything. This is where destiny comes into the fold. Destiny explains everything. Again, unless you were already good to begin with. Then destiny could give a shit about your lame but talented ass.

And that's pretty much all it takes. The worst thing is that commentators are now in the habit of substituting real analysis with "team of destiny" stuff. "On the one hand, the Yankees have better pitching, hitting and fielding but you have to consider - since my aunt Jenny found a 5 dollar bill on the ground in downtown Denver, the Rockies have just felt like a team of destiny, and that's hard to counter sometimes."

Once upon a time, the Patriots were a team of destiny - because they seemed mediocre and lucky. How great is that - September 11th happens, and the PATRIOTS win the Super Bowl. Oh man. That is INSANE, SON! They are a team of destiny! At the time, I felt bad laughing about that, because the tragedy of September 11th was so recent.

I did, however, thoroughly laugh at the idea that the Pittsburgh Steelers were a team of destiny in 2006 because Jerome Bettis (Jerome Bettis!) had a chance to play in the Super Bowl in front of his hometown of Detroit. This is kind of what bothered me - team of destiny, a term I already vehemently despise, is now unbelievably commonplace. The Super Bowl being held in the hometown of (at best) the NFL's 20th best running back of all time* somehow prompted destiny to take over and do its thing.

I'm probably asking too much of ESPN to stop using "team of destiny", especially when you consider that their lead NFL analyst, Sean Salisbury, was suspended a week (only a week!) for taking cell phone pictures of his own...crotch...minus clothes or underwear...and showing it to female staffers. But we can do something on the individual front. If you personally have been using "team of destiny", please, please, please, please, please stop that. For me.

*In case you disagree about Bettis' historical standing, remember that he never won an MVP award, never led the league in rushing, and was a below-average receiver. He was a physical runner who rarely fumbled, but only marginal by the standards of all-time greatness. In his prime, he went to 5 Pro Bowls (plus one freak Pro Bowl in 2004 where he didn't start the first half of the season), two of which came with the Los Angeles Rams, games no one has ever really seen. So 13 seasons, 6 Pro Bowls. For perspective, Ricky Watters went to 5 Pro Bowls. Bettis' career wasn't shabby, but not worthy of the hype he received when he retired. A vital player to be sure, and a great clock killer if the Steelers were ahead, but useless if the Steelers got behind, due to lack of explosiveness and receiving and pass blocking ability. He had the benefit of playing with what was consistently one of the league's best defenses, allowing his strengths to come to the forefront.

I refuse to even debate whether he was better than any of the following backs (listed in no particular order): Barry Sanders, Emmitt Smith, Walter Payton, LaDainian Tominlinson, Jim Brown, OJ Simpson, Marshall Faulk, Gale Sayers, Eric Dickerson, Marcus Allen, Earl Campbell. That's already 11 guys. Because I value peak performance more than longevity (peak performance equals wins, longevity equals meaningless cumulative stats), I'd also much rather have Terrell Davis, Eddie George and Priest Holmes. Larry Johnson, barring injury, will almost certainly have a better career. After that, I'd still take Curtis Martin, Ricky Watters, Roger Craig, Edgerrin James, Thurman Thomas, Franco Harris (if you're making Bettis' case on the career stats), Tony Dorsett, Herschel Walker, Corey Dillon, Larry Csonka and Shaun Alexander. You might be able to make a case for Bettis against some of the guys in that last group, but it's not clearly obvious that he's better than the group as a whole. I'd probably finally take Bettis ahead of guys like James Brooks, Warrick Dunn and Stephen Davis. I think Bettis is probably about the 25th best back of all time. Destiny sure is generous these days.