Sports Blogs

If sports blogs are your thing, a couple friends (and Things I Type readers) are developing two very different kinds of sports blogs you should check out.

Dan is one of two bloggers at Fugrod, which is sort of going for The Superficial meets sports, and sure doesn't seem to love the Yankees.

Justin, meanwhile, is one of three bloggers at From A.C. Green to Wilt, which offers its comedy with a dose of in-depth basketball analysis. The writers here are Lakers and Cavs fans, so the entries predominantly deal with those two franchises. But that's okay, because one of those franchises (Lakers) is going to win the 2008-2009 NBA Championship. So it makes sense that they get written about. Can't say that about the Cavs so much, unless LeBron continues improving at his existing rate, which means that by 2009 he will dunk 60 times every game.

Too Fly To Fly?

This one is courtesy of Sara. The video you're about to see is funny on approximately 100 levels. It's basically these two dumb girls who caused a huge fuss on a Southwest flight, then somehow concluded everyone was being mean to them because they were too hot. My favorite part is how the camera crew makes a point to pan over the girl's entire body, which is not hot (neither is her face). I wonder what they did to control their laughter - maybe it was edited out.




I'm envisioning the exchange on the plane like this:
Unattractive girl: "May I have a water, please, when you have a moment?"
Flight attendant: "Shut up, you hot bitch!"
Unattractive girl: "I'm sorry, no need for the water, don't mean to trouble you."
Person near bathroom: "Hey, hot girl with the perfect face and body - why don't you fucking go to hell and stay there for an excessively long period of time!"
Unattractive girl: [worried] "What have I done to upset you folks?"
Flight attendant: "Sigh. I'm sorry. I don't mean to be harsh, but you're just too hot."
Bathroom person: "Yeah, same here. When I get around ridiculously hot women such as yourself, I tend to get nasty, I apologize. You see, no flight passengers have ever been hot before - it's a bit of a shock to the system."
Flight attendant: "It's actually illegal for hot girls to be on flights. We're going to have to notify the police."
Unattractive girl: "It's so tough being this hot."
Flight attendant: "Yeah, I wouldn't know, I'm not hot like you."

I bet it went something like that.

Edited to add: The brilliant title of this post is courtesy of Mr. Jeff Weekes. He is a genius.

Charles Barkley Doesn't Really Want To Be Governor

Charles Barkley disclosed to CNN's Wolf Blitzer (the hairy guy with the fake name) his plans to run for Governor in the State of Alabama in 2014, once he meets the legal residency requirement. He will apparently be running on a pro-choice, pro-gay marriage platform. Sometimes I wonder if Barkley is really from Alabama.



On a side note, I've always hated Wolf Blitzer for his stupid name. Why do "news" people need these fake dumb names? When I was in LA, the KABC-7 affiliate had these two weather guys, the primary one named "Dallas Raines" and the secondary guy named "Johnny Mountain." I want to punch these people in the face.

Absolutely Hilarious

You may have already seen this, but if not, I need to share. It’s pretty much the greatest blog I’ve ever seen – it’s called “Stuff White People Like”, a blog “devoted to stuff that white people like.” It’s so good, I’m pretty bummed I didn’t think of this concept myself. Here’s three excerpts (there's currently 73 entries of "Stuff White People Like" – but you should definitely go read the whole thing.


Expensive Sandwiches

If you are in the position where you need to take a white person to lunch for business or pleasure, saying “I know a great sandwich shop,” will always bring out a smile. The white person will then tell you about the great sandwich shop in the town where they went to college and how they had a crush on a waiter, or that there was some special sandwich that they always ordered. This will put the person in a good mood.

These sandwiches generally start at $8.99. Remember that whenever a white person says they wants to go to a sandwich shop you are looking at at least a $15 outlay after tip and drink, $20 if the place has a good selection of microbrews.

Also note: white people will wait up to 40 minutes for a good sandwich.

Plays

While white people certainly love “the cinema,” they are required to balance their interest in film with an interest in live theater, most notably plays. In spite of plays having minimal sets, no special effects, an intermission, and a higher admission price, white people believe that live theater is essential to any cultured city. It is not known if white people actually enjoy plays or if they are just victims of massive peer pressure from the 45% of white people who have acted in a play at some point in their life.

80s Night

If you ever find yourself wanting to take your relationship with white people to the next level, one of the best places to meet a potential partner is at any 80s night event in your local city.
White people cannot get enough of 80s music, partially out of nostalgia, and partially since it was the last time that pop music wasn’t infused with hip-hop or R&B stylings. Artists like Joy Division, New Order and Elvis Costello were all pretty well respected and had solid runs at the charts. Also, less respected artists like Wham, Rick Astley and Cameo are still easy for white people to dance to.

If you are in a social situation and wish to turn into one more conducive for romance, you should always ask “does anyone know a club with a good 80s night?” at which point the entire group of white people are likely to invite you to an event.

Goodbye, Friday Night Lights

It is, in my not-so-humble estimation, the best hour-long show to ever appear on network television. Ever. Season 1 was better than season 2 of ER or Grey’s Anatomy. Better than the third season of The Practice, the second season of NYPD Blue, or the debut season of The West Wing. No season – no episode – of Law & Order is even in the same ballpark. And I LOVE Law & Order. And while 24 and Lost can generate more adrenaline due to their core premises, they aren’t better shows. This show is better written, better acted, more artfully shot. The characters are more complex, more fully formed, and far more real.

You probably have no idea that I’m talking about Friday Night Lights, because if you’re like most Americans, you barely even know this show exists. In terms of life experience, I relate approximately 0.000000% (I did the math on that one, and double-checked, thank you very much) to the high school football crazy residents of Dillon, Texas, but I’ve never seen a show this real. Its drama isn’t about “are we in purgatory on a science-lab experiment island?” or “a guy comes into the hospital with a bomb lodged inside his body” or “you’re hooked up to a lie detector - if your ex-boyfriend would take you back, would you leave your husband?” Friday Night Lights was (at least until NBC forced a few absurd plotlines down its throat this year) completely organic, and it showed that everyday life can be the most compelling drama of all. It’s all in the details.

I could go on and on about the show, but like all art, it’s a disservice to talk about it. You just have to see for yourself.

But I don’t think you will, because by all accounts, Friday Night Lights is going to be cancelled. And I (and Vish, Sara, Allison, George, Bill Simmons, and every paid TV critic and every person who ever gave it an honest chance) will be somewhere between massively disappointed and completely despondent.

If you get the Season 1 DVD later (which you by all means must), please don’t come up to me and say, “wow, this is a great show – why did it get cancelled?” A lot of you did that to me with “Arrested Development.” It’s the same reason anything gets cancelled – because nobody fucking watched it. So don’t say it for “Friday Night Lights.” Just watch it and enjoy. And then we can talk about how awesome it is. And then become depressed.

I gotta go. I think “Deal or No Deal” is on again. There’s like, 13 $1 million dollar amounts. WILL THIS BE THE EPISODE?!?!?!

For The Record

My curiosity is overwhelming. I can't wait to see the Shaq-in-Phoenix experiment play out. Count me as one of the naysayers, but a naysayer who will be watching tonight's game in rapt fascination.
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But as much as I have doubts about Shaq, I completely can't understand Dallas' acquisition of Jason Kidd. As others much smarter than myself have pointed out, Kidd is only a marginal upgrade over Devin Harris now (at best), and quite certainly a significant downgrade in the long run. For that switch, you have to also lose your "starting center", 2 reserves, 2 first round picks AND $3 million dollars? I've always been a believer in selling out to try to win titles, but I don't think this situation qualifies. The window isn't closing on the Mavericks' core anytime soon (if anything, Josh Howard is improving) - I don't understand why Mark Cuban panicked.

I'm reminded of a different player, one who happens to struggle mightily against Devin Harris. Flash back to the 2003 Spurs. Though they obviously won a title that year, they were often frustrated with the inconsistency of their talented, speedy point guard, Tony Parker. In the first few games of their opening round matchup with the Suns, Parker was dominated by a more experienced and much physically stronger Stephon Marbury. Sensing Parker was not a long-term solution at point guard, the Spurs offered a large free agent deal to Jason Kidd.

Kidd didn't take the deal. Parker became a perennial all-star. Parker is only 25 years old, makes two-thirds the money Kidd does, and oh yes, the Spurs won two more championships.

Fast forward to 2008. Dallas has its own 24-year old, talented, speedy point guard, who frustrates the coaching staff. Like Parker, he experiences rapid postseason success (keying 3 wins over the Spurs in the 2006 Western Conference Finals, largely by neutralizing Parker) and visible postseason failure (unable to contain the much stronger Baron Davis in the 2007 playoffs). He has a long-term, reasonable contract, like Parker. And though Harris is widely considered one of the best defensive point guards in the league, practically the only player with the speed and tenacity to chase the likes of Parker, Steve Nash, Chris Paul and Allen Iverson, the Mavericks leadership cannot shake the image of Baron Davis. Just like the Spurs couldn't shake the image of Stephon Marbury. Speed is fleeting, but power - NBA minds apparently remember power.

So the Mavs repeat the Spurs course. They set out to get Jason Kidd. Only this Jason Kidd is not quite the same. He's almost 5 years older, soon to turn 35. He's shooting 36%, the worst figure of his career. And of course, there's another difference: this isn't a free agent offer Kidd might reject. Kidd is a Maverick, and Harris, the same Harris who Parker can't blow by, is gone for good. The deal is approved, and there's no turning back.

And somewhere, Tony Parker smiles.