Chill Factor (1999)
Tagline: Keeping cool is a matter of life and death.
Description: Two mismatched men, Arlo (Cuba Gooding, Jr.) an ice cream truck driver, and Tim (Skeet Ulrich) a convenience store clerk, are forced to team up with each other, and get on each others nerves, when through a series of circumstances, they get possession of a top-secret, bio-warfare weapon, when heated to over 50 degrees, detonates and releases a lethal cloud of radioactivity which a disgruntled, former U.S. Army officer and his team of alienated, former Army soldiers-turned-terrorists want to use against the government for making them the scapegoats years earlier for their handling of the virus and covering up the existence of the weapon. With time running out, and the outdoor temperature rising, Arlo and Tim must outwit their pursuers and try to find a way to dispose of the weapon before they both become dead meat.I remember when this movie came out, and thinking that Cuba Gooding, Jr.'s career was headed for disaster. Fortunately he made "Snow Dogs" and "Boat Trip" and proved me completely wrong.
Bicentennial Man (1999)
Tagline: One robot's 200 year journey to become an ordinary man.
Description: This film follows the 'life' and times of an android (Robin Williams) who is purchased as a household robot programmed to perform menial tasks. Within a few days the Martin family realizes that they don't have an ordinary droid as Andrew begins to experience emotions and creative thought. In a story that spans two centuries, Andrew learns the intricacies of humanity while trying to stop those who created him from destroying him.Even though I was already 15 or 16 years old when this was released, the sight of Robin Williams' android character totally unsettled me. You might say he gave me the "heebie-jeebies". Here's the lovely trailer.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z5YMEwX2-88
Soldier (1998)
Tagline: Left for dead on a remote planet for obsolete machines and people, a fallen hero has one last battle to fight.
Description: In a futuristic society, some people are selected at birth to become soldiers, and trained in such a manner that they become inhuman killing machines. One of the most successful and experienced of these soldiers (Kurt Russell) is pitted against a new breed of soldiers, and after the confrontation is believed to be dead. His body is left behind in a semi-abandoned colonial planet, where everything is peaceful, and he is taught about the other aspects of life. But eventually he has to fight the new breed of soldiers again, this time to defend his new home...I like asking people what the worst movie they've ever seen is - I think it makes for excellent conversation fodder. One of my cousins insists this is the worst movie he's ever seen in theaters. I think I've seen worse movies, but since I have literally zero desire to see this for myself, maybe he has a point.
North (1994)
Tagline: Ever wonder what your life would be like with different parents? A boy named North did.
Description: Eleven-year-old North (Elijah Wood) has had it with his parents. They are always busy with their careers and don't give North the attention he needs, so he files a lawsuit against them. The judge rules that North should either find new parents or return to his own parents within two months. Thus north starts off on an hilarious journey around the world to find the parents that really care about him.This movie actually stars Jason Alexander and Julia Louis-Dreyfus as Elijah Wood's parents, an interesting bit of casting that increases my desire to see this movie by a factor of zero. This was actually a somewhat well-promoted movie, and I know a couple of people who saw it. Not only do they feel it was the worst movie they ever saw, they become furious when the movie is even brought up. I've never seen a movie inspire the kind of animosity that "North" does. Generally when someone sees a bad movie, they can laugh about it after a certain point. Not so with "North". This might be the most hated movie in the universe.
The Postman (1997)
Tagline: It is 2013. War has crippled the Earth. Technology has been erased. Our only hope is an unlikely hero.
Description: In the year 2013 civilization has all but destroyed itself. After a war that decimated the government and most of the population of the United States (possibly the world), people struggle to survive against starvation and rogue groups of armed men. One such group is called the Holnists. This group is bigger than any other and their leader, General Bethlehem, has delusions of ruling the country. A drifter (Kevin Costner) is captured by the group and forced to join. He escapes at the first chance and happens on a mail jeep with a skeleton in it. The skeleton is wearing a postal uniform and the drifter takes it to keep him warm. He also finds a mailbag and starts conning people with old letters. The hope he sees in the people he delivers to changes his plans and he decides that he must help bring the Holnists down.If this premise seems ridiculous, you need to see the preview. The preview is almost mind-boggling in its horrificness. Apparently spellcheck doesn't think "horrificness" is a word.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Gl9_GXvNktI
I hope a lot of mailmen managed to see this movie. I think it's unlikely there will be another movie about post apocalyptic mailmen for some time.
14 comments:
May biggest beef with films that take place in the future is their apparent inability to accurately project advances in technology to a somewhat plausible date. Two of the movies on your "worst of..." list are perfect examples.
Bicentennial Man's trailer clearly states in that booming "voice of the movies" that "by the year 2005, every home will have a..." ok now wait what the fuck? this movie was filmed in 1999. Who decided that in six years there would be a fully automated robot that could think, emote, and eventually have really creepy sex with a human? And that he would look like Robin Williams.
Another shining example of late nineties cinematography and your post: The Postman. Now granted I'm probably not the one to criticize the plausibility of this film on a purely chronological scale (since from watching the trailer I could see myself enjoying this flick), but do we really think that in 6 years there wont be any postmen (or women)? And not only that, but they will have been rotting inside of stowaway vehicles WHILE IN UNIFORM?
Now, I understand that being filmed in 1997, 2013 must have seemed like eons away, but the fact that Kevin Costner's character in the movie has to remind the other characters that "there used to be a postman... on every street in America" is ridiculous to the point of hilarity. Who has forgotten what a postman is? Has everyone suddenly developed Alzheimer's from post-war chemical interactions? How do their missing letters mean anything to them if they have Alzheimer's? Is it selective memory impairment? Maybe a cure has been developed?
To blame this phenomenon on movies alone, or even on movies that start off with taglines like "In 2013..." would be downright shortsighted. The fault really lies with the writers, or directors, or novelists who feel a need to give a concrete outline of the future and impart what they feel is a warning to the rest of humanity, something that they might have overlooked. "Watch out for robots, they might cause problems soon." "Don't get in too many wars, because then you'll forget what envelopes are." A threat isn't a good threat unless it has some impact upon your immediate livelihood, which means it needs to enact itself soon for you to really care. Remember global heating or something like that? I forgot what exactly it is, but I'm sure my children's children's children will know.
Anyhow, I need to get back to studying for this whole med school thing. I need to develop a cure for Alzheimer's in less than a decade.
ok, that comment is as long as the blog entry, so I'll have to read it some time in the future.
I think I saw Soldier my freshman year in college. As crappy as that movie was, I saw two even crappier movies the same year: Mortal Kombat 2 and Fire Down Below.
Darn you cheap student tickets! I want my 6 hours back!
Agreed. I was shocked at how barely in the future The Postman is. That's only 6 years from now!
And I definitely am not having really creepy sex with any automated robots yet, much less ones that look like Robin Williams.
hi, i'm your biggest fan! please start watching the surreal life fame game and the white rapper show and write about it! you rock!
Don't lie, Eric. You are totally having really creepy sex with automated robots who look like Robin Williams.
Also, I had totally forgotten how utterly ridiculous The Postman was. That trailer was awesome.
that was you who posted as your anonymous "biggest fan" wasnt it?
believe it or not, vishal, i did not. i'm trying to expand the audience for this blog beyond the small-minded such as yourself.
if part of your plan to "expand the audience" is to insult your readers, then i'd say you're failing, sir.
i was only insulting you vishal, not the great other readers
What about movie premises that looked ridiculous, but surprisingly turned out to be entertaining? National Treasure and Malibu's Most Wanted come to mind.
Hm, I've yet to see National Treasure - you're right - I didn't watch it precisely because I thought the premise looked absolutely ridiculous, but I have heard it's not too bad, maybe I'll check it out.
Malibu's Most Wanted looked stupid, but the premise seemed clear to me, and at least appealing to someone - rich white kid thinks he's black, wants to be a thug, gets in over his head, hilarity ensues. Not something I'm dying to see, but it would seem to have some sort of built-in audience out there. Unlike, say "The Cleaner", which doesn't seem to have an angle to it.
In any event, I'm sure your massively low expectations figured in those movies being entertaining, plus some solid unintentional comedy moments (kind of how I feel about "You Got Served"). It's not like, in a vacuum, Malibu's Most Wanted is some kind of movie for the ages.
Actually, Malibu's Most Wanted is about a politician who is concnerned about his campaign because his rich white kid thinks he's black and wants to be a rapper. So he hires a couple of black actors to kidnap the kid, dump him off in the "hood" to teach him a lesson and hilarity ensues.
Yes, I had forgotten he wanted to be a RAPPER, and not a thug. In any case, he gets in over his head, stereotypical white guy in stereotypically black situation, hilarity ensues - the audience appeal is exactly the same.
Unless your comment was a sly joke, (particularly your start with the word "actually") in which case, I like the joke a lot - it's just hard to infer tone sometimes in print. So if you are being hilarious, my bad. Because that is "actually" pretty hilarious.
i just saw a commercial for a movie titled "the astronaut farmer" i think that should also be considered for this list.
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