The most egregious mail incident I have been a “victim” of occurred when Kat was sending people cards, with some candy inside. When I opened my mailbox, instead of getting a nice card with candy, I got an already-opened envelope with empty candy wrappers inside. As far as I can tell, a United States Postal Service worker went through the following steps:
1) The mailman (or lady) felt something inside the envelope
2) Mailman deduces it is probably candy
3) Mailman opens the letter, breaking federal law
4) Mailman ignores warnings about candy consumption from doctors and dentists
5) Mailman eats the candy, smiles
6) Mailman puts the wrappers back in the open envelope
7) Mailman removes card from envelope
8) Mailman throws away card
9) Mailman puts envelope with candy wrappers in my mailbox
10) Mailman laughs maniacally
It could always be worse though. It could always be anthrax.
A couple days ago, I was introduced to a different USPS phenomenon, the “WE CARE” re-mailing of damaged mail. I got this in the mail at my office:
This is the back of the envelope, assuring me that "WE CARE", although it does not specify whether they care enough not to eat my candy.
So inside is this thing from Orix, nothing important, I assume just a business Christmas card, since I see the “Happy Holidays” in the corner. You can see the damage on the bottom right part of the envelope.
So what's so special about this card that the post office would bother to re-send? I open the envelope and…
Nothing. There’s nothing in here. Is this standard practice? For the post office to mail me nothing? Is the idea to inform me that someone meant to send a Christmas card? Because if that’s the case, I really didn’t need the ripped, dirty envelope itself. It baffles me that the same post office that ate my candy and then delivered me the empty wrappers would go to this level of trouble to send me a totally useless damaged envelope with literally nothing inside.
Maybe I should work towards becoming Postmaster General. I bet there’s some stuff in there I could really whip into shape.
4 comments:
Once somebody tried to send me a necklace by mail, in a regular mailing envelope. It never arrived, but the empty envelope did. This, however, was definitely the fault of my friend, who thought it would be a good idea to send a necklace in an envelope, not a box, without delivery confirmation/insurance, etc., but it didn't give me a whole lot of confidence in the postal system. Mostly I get irked by the long lines at the post office. It always takes forever to mail something,
Haha, that's hilarious. I think it's funny because it hasn't happened to me yet.
i still can't believe no one got my candies/chocolates last year. :(
^ rest assured, someone got them.
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