I Need To Know

I totally don’t understand this commercial for the 2009 Nissan Versa. Watch it first (with sound, sound is the most “important” part here), and then I’ll get to why I am hung up on this.

The most obvious problem is of course the music, but let me come back to that.

My takeaway from this commercial: I should buy the 2009 Nissan Versa if I am a married father with multiple children who has no qualms with looking like a dork. The car would be a good fit for me if I had a suburban residence but inexplicably lacked either a garage or driveway, making it vital that my car be easy to park on the street. Also, I am the sort of guy who wears pants to the beach.

Another source of confusion for me is how the narrative randomly transitions to the old guy on the bench at the very end of the commercial. Who is this guy? Am I supposed to buy the Nissan Versa because old dudes sitting on benches will be pleased with my frugality? “The 2009 Nissan Versa! It’s not going to impress chicks or your friends or anything, but maybe a senior citizen waiting at a bus stop will approve!”

So far, I can only conclude that the commercial is going for the rarely-pursued “look-we-all-know-you’re-not-that-awesome-so-let’s-not-kid-ourselves-you-should-have-a-lousy-car-but-at-least-this-one-isn’t-expensive-and-gets-good-gas-mileage” marketing angle. Which, I mean…okay, whatever. But then, for goodness’ sake, WHY THIS CHOICE OF MUSIC?!? It’s not subtle either, Marc Anthony’s “I Need to Know” completely dominates the whole commercial. The song is so horribly misplaced I can’t understand what could have prompted the choice. It’s almost like they assembled a focus group of mediocre guys who wear pants to the beach and their favorite song was Marc Anthony’s “I Need to Know”.

Ad Exec 1: “Hey what song are we going with for that Versa commercial?”
Ad Exec 2: “The focus group’s favorite song, hands down, is Marc Anthony’s ‘I Need to Know’. I say we go with that.”
Ad Exec 1: “What? But that doesn’t fit the commercial at all.”
Ad Exec 2: “It’s their favorite song by a mile. No other song is even close. When I mentioned this song they all just immediately started singing and trying to salsa with each other.”
Ad Exec 1: “What? How did you assemble this focus group?”
Ad Exec 2: “I went to the beach and rounded up all the guys who were wearing pants, just like you said.”
Ad Exec 1: “Alright well if the focus group says so…”
Ad Exec 2: “Oh, they do. They definitely do.”

As an aside, the song has such an annoyingly repetitive chorus that no one can remember the verses, even though it was a big radio hit. I challenge you to remember any lines that aren’t from the chorus without looking it up. This effect is so strong that Fu (somewhat reasonably, I should add) contended that the song didn’t even have ANY verses, and was just the chorus on repeat plus some “ohhhhh” ad-libbing. That turned out not to be true, so Fu owes me $5 now. I digress.

I should end by saying that this is not a personal attack on any 2009 Nissan Versa owners, just the makers of this commercial. If you own a Versa, congratulations on your good gas mileage and approval by the elderly. But if you made this commercial, you should probably be fired.