The Most Popular Entry On This Blog

I perused the Internet traffic statistics of “Things I Type” on Google Analytics today, and was surprised to see that one post on this blog was by far the most popular. It has almost two times as many pageviews as any other entry. Care to guess which one it is? Don’t bother, because you’ll never figure it out.

It’s this one. That’s right, by a factor of two, my most popular posting ever was a nonsensical bit about whether LeBron James or Spencer from “The Hills” would become a billionaire first. Since it’s not even a particularly funny or interesting post, I did a little more digging. Turns out, my blog is the #1 result when you enter this into the Google search engine.

And indeed, people who want to know more about “Spencer Pratt wealth” continue to drive most of my blog’s traffic and ad revenue. In the spirit of capitalism, I think I should make all my future entries about Spencer Pratt – the public’s desire to know more about this guy appears to be insatiable. Appalling, but insatiable. I could devote whole entries to totally fictionalized accounts of Spencer Pratt’s childhood, or invent rumors about Spencer Pratt cheating on Heidi, or randomly speculate on Spencer Pratt’s sexual prowess. If you’re wondering if I wrote that last sentence solely to generate web traffic, you know me well.

Last weekend, I was at dinner with Ali, his sister Anita, Rich, and three girls I was just meeting for the first time. Ali asked, “If you could kill any celebrity, who would you kill?” Even though Ali adamantly wants to rid the world of Kathy Griffin (a stance I eleventy million percent concur with, by the way), that answer was met with shocked gasps from the ladies at the table. “What??!?!” “Why?!?!” “But she’s so funny!!!!” After recovering from my initial shock, I countered with my distaste of Dane Cook, but alarmingly, that too was met with, “What?!?!” “Why?!?!” “But he’s so funny!!!..and he’s kinda hot…”

I racked my brain to think of someone all people disliked. After a few seconds, I had my answer. “You know what, I think I would kill that guy Spencer from The Hills,” I suggested.

We had a winner. “Oh I HATE HIM!” “Great choice, that’s definitely who I would kill!!” “He’s such a sleazebag!!” Ali was kind of mad at me for taking us down this path, because he (1) hates talking about anything connected to The Hills, a show neither he nor I even watch and (2) this effectively killed the whole game, because it was unanimous (except maybe for Ali) that there is no one in the universe more worthy of killing than Spencer Pratt. In an entirely open-ended hypothetical question, I had actually managed to come up with a definitive answer. Nobody wants Spencer Pratt to live.

As the economy continues to tank, I may be forced into changing the content on this blog. For now, I’ll close with the inspirational Spencer Pratt quote of his that prompted the original billionaire entry.

“Well, I'm trying to be a billionaire before 30. Once you find an open market, that's where you can make billions to trillions of dollars. Every big product, from Proactiv to the Internet—these were things that were just ideas. And I'm a free thinker. There is no box. I'm thinking about ideas that people might think are crazy, and I'm like, this world is crazy, where do you think we are? You want to tell me there's a planet and there's a universe, and gravity holding us down? It's like, okay, I'm crazy then.”

That’s the kind of stuff you can look forward to on “Things I Type” in the future. You might say, “Eric, that’s crazy”, but you know what? This world is crazy. I’m crazy. All ideas. No boxes.