Where Are The F*$%ing Updates?

Sorry everyone, I don't know what happened there. The weather got warm, I started running in my spare time, I slept more, I had bouts of writers' block - it all added up to no posts, and that's just plain unacceptable. Well that stops now, and that's a promise you can hold me to. If I break it, there's really nothing you can do about it, but that's what I do best: make empty promises. That and the worm. I do the worm really well. Although I think I do it sort of incorrectly because my chest always hurts a lot afterwards.

So what else have I been doing during the blog layoff? There's been a bit of domestic travel - Vegas, DC, Northern California. I flew to San Francisco a couple weeks ago and had to drive to this tiny town called San Martin for a client event at a golf resort & spa. Even people who live in San Jose, Palo Alto and Cupertino had never heard of San Martin. I went on Wikipedia and learned it's fighting to gain official consideration as a town, which is just about the saddest thing I've ever heard.

I rented a car, and just went with the generic midsize sedan, but when I got to Avis, the guy said he only had two cars available: a Ford Mustang and a Ford F-150. Thinking it might be a bit awkward to drive a pickup truck to this client event at a resort, I went with the Mustang. How the hell do people drive that car? It's ridiculously jerky - I guess that's meant to give you a "sports car" feel or something. Just going from 0 to 10 mph practically made Sara vomit all over the dashboard. Sara kept making fun of me for how douchey I looked driving a Mustang - it really is a car for overcompensating. If you're not rich. Because middle class guys need to overcompensate too. And as we drove around, I realized there were tons of Ford Mustangs on the road. I'm not sure if that says something about society as a whole, or if I was just seeing a lot of rental cars since I wasn't too far from the airport.

Sara and I decided to kill some time and see "Ocean's 13", and Sara did the navigation to her home movie theater in Mountain View, which is on the short list for most boring cities in the universe. We exited the freeway, but there was no movie theater - instead there were a bunch of Google buildings. Thankfully we drove a little more, and saw a sign that said "Movies" with an arrow to the right. I turned right...and more Google buildings. So we circled around the block and eventually found another sign for the movies, telling me to turn left. Went left - still all Google. Google everywhere. I started to get scared, everyone was wearing Google clothes too. We eventually asked someone and found the theater - apparently Google employees are keeping a movie theater all to themselves, because the theater could not have possibly been a real business. The movie cost $7.50 - $7.50!! - what is this, 1991? The ticket they gave me wasn't even perforated, the lady at the door just rips it down the middle. Damn you Google and your underpriced retro movie theater. One day lightning will strike a computer that's showing a Google search and the computer will turn evil even though Google means no harm and we will all die after we are attacked by our computers. It's just like in the movies "I, Robot" and "Stealth". Technology is dangerous, and Google must be stopped. Otherwise we'll all die. Don't say I didn't warn you - it's pretty much a known fact that lightning causes technology to turn evil.

Okay, that's the update on me - more standard blog fodder to come soon. Really.